I'm tired.
Today I left the house without baby girl, she was trying to take the bottle again.
I was a wreck. It's hard to be away from her, since she was born, we've seemingly been sewn to each other. She is a part of me, and when she isn't with me, I feel odd.
The good news is, she took the bottle and ate well.!!!!! I think it was the nipple. Being a new mom, i had no clue that there are certain nipples that babies won't like. So, I changed the nipple and voila! I think things will go smoother now.
yey.
It's hard to be a breastfeeding mom and then have to surrender her to someone else to be fed. I know it is probably a natural part of her growth, but geez.... when you are that connected with a being.. it's hard to have that change.
So, is anyone guessing how much she weighs now??????
11. 2!!!!!
The dr is excited over her rate of growth. As am I.
I was a bit worried, as we had a bit of a hellish weekend here.. I won't even go into the details... but she wasn't eating.
That scared the daylights out of me... she NEVER misses a meal!!!! She is a chowhound... so when she wasn't eating.. I was beside myself.
Things are better.
whew.
She is sleeping now, and I should be working.... I know i say that everytime I post. It's hard though, because when I'm not with her, all I do is think of her, when I should be doing the things I can't get done when I have her in my arms.
I'm really exhusted. I now understand why mothers are continually sleep deprived. It's a cycle that starts when they are born and continues.
I don't lose sleep because of her being up.. she, like her parents, LOVES her sleep. She has always been a good sleeper... going for 5 hours at a time... once she even went for seven... but usually it is five.
After I feed her, I often find myself awake at 2 or 3, in the morning; she will be next to me, snoozing away and I'm wide awake. Thinking of her, worrying about certain things... thinking i should get up and do some work, but then wanting to snuggle down next to her tiny, adorable babyness, and cover her with kisses. (She is so very kissable you know.) I want to get up and start projects I have been wanting to since she was born... but i never do. I try to go back to sleep because she is so small and adorable.... and I need the sleep. I am then left with thoughts of when will I ever get back to work? when will i ever get any writing done again? Will I? Or will this be the end of my writing career, until she is grown and off to college?
My writing seems so very small and insignificant in the face of the child I bore... but there are mornings, when the night is just slowly turning into day... that I miss being wrapped up in my writing.
Life continues, now more than ever, to be a balancing act.
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